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Because my husband was recently laid off for the second time in as many years. Suck it, economy.-
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Recent Posts
- Apparent detours and crumbs left along several paths simultaneously
- Hey, I’m in a book.
- “P.S., I forgive you for stealing my underwear…”
- Another Olympia queer history fragment, this time from the bottom of a box of files
- Update!
- A gentle word for the haters of the Oatmeal Raisin Cookie
- Because Googling lyrics is cheaper than therapy
- Seven things about two brands of whiskey I’d just as soon never drink, and why
- These are a few of their favorite things
- Who would like to use me as an illustration for their ADD textbook?
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Southern Discomfort
I hate arguments. I love stories. I hate ideology. I love passion. That is all.
301 Comments
Congratulations.
Thank you kindly. And how lovely of you to comment… all things considered.
It's nice that you feel better,
(But I'm sure glad I saved copies of a few my favorite posts of yours.)
Thanks for your understanding, caprice. Let me be clear that my taking this action should not be taken as a sign of ingratitude toward my previous (and especially long-time) readers; I just had to make a radical course change.
And if you or anyone else I cared about were to need to reference specific previous posts and/or comments, I have backed everything up, and I'm happy to make that material available by email. Just drop me a line w/ whatever you remember of the post(s) or comment(s) and I'll do what I can.
Ummm, i think congratulations. But you write so beautifully that I think I will miss returning to the old posts to admire them.
That's very kind of you to say, and I dearly appreciate it. Again, it's all backed up if there's something you need… I know there have been some valuable conversations hosted here, and in some ways it was selfish of me to torpedo everything in this way, but after hours of trying to pick and choose between what to save and what to delete, I realized I was going to second-guess myself to death and end up worse off than I was feeling to begin with. Which was pretty bad.
Some time ago I said I wished my wordprocessing program had a “lapsing into polemic” check… and that wasn't a joke. None of my convictions have changed – at all – but I can't do the (overtly) political blogging thing anymore. Despite the tagline, Suspiciously tolerant of ambiguity that had accompanied the (unpronounceable and admittedly irritating) blog title, Anachroclysmic, I was painting myself into rigid ideological corners with everything I wrote, and in the meantime I wasn't getting anything done toward any of my books.
Wow, you deleted everything? Huge change. I don't think I could do it without hyperventilating.
Actually, I couldn't have gone on as I had been without hyperventilating.
Well, don't take this the wrong way, but for me as a reader, it sucks. It's your space, so you could and should do what you want with it… it's one of those strange tensions with blogs since they are neither wholly public nor wholly private, but I know I'm much less likely to comment here any more. However, I can always comment on my own blog, so it's just a shift from one scene to another I guess…
Yeah, sorry. On the other hand, I'm pretty sure that future posts will cause you a lot less irritation. I do recall that you temporarily unfollowed me on Twitter when the quantity of my overtly political posts (or perhaps it was their quality? – hard to judge in 140 characters, perhaps) got to be too much.
In your place, I'd have done the same.
Persons wishing to transpose onto the above statements their own ideas concerning what I might “really” mean by this post can kiss my ass.
Ahahahahahahaha. That's the best sentence I have read in quite a while anywhere.
Oh good, I can still make you laugh. That makes the entire blog-deletion-debacle (mine, anyhow) completely worth it.
((((Screams and gnashes teeth)))
I'm glad I read your insightful posts about your ex, and your lives together, first. I hope you saved your wonderful work!!!!!
I feel like that was partly me, and sorry about that. I just wanted you to know what was happening. I hate when *I* am the last to know. I did not want your comments taken in the wrong way, blah blah, and was just giving you a heads up. Okay? I NEVER INTENDED you to delete your blog, and harumphing madly over it.
I admit, I like the name better, though!
“Sometimes, I guess there's just not enough rocks.” (Best scene and only really memorable line from “Forrest Gump”.)
Well, thank you. I think that was my laying down some formative groundwork for the book. I did back everything up, and please be assured that, in the scheme of things, this most recent blogospheric dustup played a relatively small role in the decision to go nuclear.
There were cracks in the foundations of what I had been trying to accomplish with this blog, and I could no longer either pretend those fissures weren't there, or continue to drain my life away with ineffectual efforts toward “repair.”
You sweet boy. I might have to start calling you Forrest.
Oy vey! Glad you aren't ditching the idea of blogging though!
I did unfollow you for a while but, as they say, “it was me, not you.” Hey, as long as you are doing what you do because you want/need to for your own creative and philosophical reasons, then go for it. It's the whole thing about comment areas being a pseudo-publishing space that Link is always talking about. It's the risk you take investing time in something that you don't own that those things can disappear.
I just hope you aren't unduly influenced by a few knuckleheads who can't stop pecking at you. I think where we most diverge is in the need to remove a bunch of previous writing (including some really beautiful content) in order not to write about certain things anymore. I like the blog as an evolutionary artifact, warts and contradictions and changes in position and all. But this isn't *my* blog
huh…it is such an innocuous looking place (though I guess it's not really the place so much as the people who harm us)…you have such a great capacity for forgiveness. Love ya!
That is, indeed, the most vexing aspect of this for me. If you'd like, I'd be more than happy to extract from the backup any and all posts to which you made comments, and make those available to you, or anyone else who asks. (If they're nice!)
First, thank you. Second, part of it is, I need to look at the same material with fresh eyes. For example, I'd had material for my story Oklahoma Funeral strewn between two or three different posts (and miscellaneous comments, both here and elsewhere), and I desperately need to pull all that material together to write the story, the whole surreal thing from recognizable beginning to recognizable end. So don't look at it as throwing-away, but as recycling. Rather radical recycling, but recycling nonetheless.
Isn't it though? Today I looked at it from above (Google Maps, not out of body experience, I should specify) and it was so weird, seeing it all so small like that. And your old house and Dawn's and the school, all within blocks of each other – our deceptively insulated world.
It means so much to me, Jeni (sorry, I know it's Jen now! of course, you can still call me Vikki), that you were there when it all went down, and that you are with me again all these years later, across the miles. I means more to me than you'll ever know.
holy crap! While sad, I can't wait to see the direction this takes. 'Cause I'm a little techno-bass-ackwards it took me a few minutes to figure out what happened…freaked out for a minute…all better now…you go girl! Sometimes cleaning house (metaphorically, of course…tee hee) is the way to go.
Thanks. I know this must be a little weird for you to be seeing from the sidelines, as we've only recently and then only barely become electronically acquainted. But I'm definitely not throwing it all away. I didn't sink more than four years of my life into blogging (longer than I've put up with lots of relationships!) for nothing. It's taught me a lot, even if a big part of that was learning what I didn't want to be doing anymore.
Thanks for your support, as always. (And you know the “cleaning house” bit could stand to be literal as well as metaphorical!)
Just got the chills…it saddens me that mostly all you got are the bad memories (not all of course, but still) when I have such happy ones. I wish I could give some of mine to you. If it's any consolation the things we endure make us who we are and you are fantastic! Here's a hug instead.
But honey, you already have. Almost everything good about my experience in California, from hanging out at your place (I so wanted to adopt your mom) to you and me working on the literary magazine, revolves specifically around you.
Remember this, from my haiku profile?
Jeni, in 8th grade/
was the one good thing about/
1984
I meant it. Your friendship didn't just make the whole situation survivable, it gave me genuine joy. Thank you.
I meant to mention another impetus for the blog-nukage: this. (And I laughed when I read this apt comment from you.) While McLeod kept his blog but nuked his twitter account (though I see he has since restored it for archival purposes), I went the other way, because, oddly enough, my twitter usage felt more congruent with my artistic needs than my blog usage.
I'd been reading him for a long time. Every now and then I'd come back to his How To Be Creative post and mull over the matter of just what in the hell I'd been doing with my blog, anyhow. How I'd managed to stray so far from my original intent, back in 2003 or 04 or whenever it was I first started “blogging.” (I started using Blogger in 2004, but for a while before then I was doing my own craptastic thing with FrontPage. It looked like shit but the content was in lots of ways better than much of the material that followed.)
So all that was already weighing heavily on my mind, when yet another damned episode of feminist intrablogwarfare erupted, which helped to push things over the edge.
Um… just in case anyone is planning to give me some well-deserved crap for taking as credible the above-referenced bit about Hugh MacLeod's killing his Twitter account (whether it was all a joke, or he simply changed his mind, as this seems to imply), I am aware that he's back. (And glad of this. Welcome back, sir!)
But the premise – that one's choice to withdraw from processes that may be serving as much to distract from, as to strengthen one's artistic intentions – remains valid, and, for me, applicable.
There was intrablogwarfare?
I always miss these things. Ah it's good to be a math and physics student.
Awesome comment. I fear to click the link as I think I like being blissfully unaware.
For true. Don't go there. Save yourself, young feminist blogger!
She's a beautiful girl!!!
Thanks for this post. You've laid out a lot of the feelings I've been having and actions I've taken really well. I'm not actively involved in the feminist blogosphere and yet I've still been shocked at the alienating and exclusionary arguments that are being made by feminists. I can't imagine how an Obama supporter could continue to engage without it becoming dangerously toxic. I am also deeply disturbed by the number of feminists who say they will vote for McCain when Obama is the nominee. I can only hope that there is collective amnesia and that they will not actually engage in that dangerous hypocrisy.
This post is beautiful and a gift. Our stories are so important. I would never do this (I need to be hidden more), but I'm honored that I get to read.
Also, as regards other blog posts, I get your decision to erase it all, and am glad you are back.
You! What an unexpected pleasure to read your kind comment.
And if you felt okay commenting here again (I still remember, acutely, the circumstances that drove you away before), post- the torpedoing of the previous blog, then it was probably the right thing to do.
Thanks again.
Unfortunately, I have experienced the same thing. It is really saddening because I can understand some of the pain and anger. Hillary has been treated unfairly by the media and this is a terrible way to treat women candidates. But what I have seen is not simply a critique of this sexism but gross bias, ignoring or engaging in racism, and willful twisting of Obama's words while giving Hillary a pass on the very same topics. I am voting for Barack because of his strong bipartisan message and because I am an idealist who believes in changing bad politics instead of playing by them. But I still respect Hillary. But what I experience online with feminist blogging is not the usual insights and higher focus that I know are usually about. What I see is the same kind of arguments that marginalize us all. I have gotten to the point where I cannot read but a few articles, just enough to keep up with what is current in this race because if I delve in, I feel like I am trying to push a wall down. This has been a large disappointment for me to see in the feminist community and the democratic party. I honestly wonder where we will be when the dust is settled and we look back on what we said and did. Will there be apologies and insight or will we be further divided?
I'm trying not to go into the Obamabot type arguments, but in one post I did point out two different times when I was told I was being dumb or 'over sensitive' for call people out on ablist and sexist remarks. *sigh* I try to always make sure that people know that I am not painting everyone with a huge brush, since there are people like you (not the majority of people my posts attract ha ha).
But I love you, and you know that. *mwah*
It's so hard not to get wrapped up in it all. I take lots of deep breaths and click away, but man it's hard not to fall in head first.
Indeed, you remain one of my favorite reasons to tweet. Hang in there.
i hope you dont mind if i dont quit you.
hoping you and yours are all good
xxx
Hi. I found you through Hugo's blog. Your daughter is beautiful. And better than that she's really smart!
I hope your husband finds a job soon.
Shawna
I even have the sitemeter widget (yahoo) on my desktop and I can go weeks between checking to see how someone got to my blog. I hope it helps your concentration.
i am trying to wean myself away from the obsessive stat checking which, i have come to realize, can be quite a hindrance to actually writing and blogging. i think for the most part, i have come to grips with it and only ever check it occasionally, like once every 24 minutes. i have been concentrating on the writing and really just trying discipline myself and in a way, this means to not pay attention to anything that is not related to writing–which is incredibly difficult. your disabling of sitemeter inspires me and maybe that's what i should do as well….
EXACTLY! Writing is hard enough to do even without distracton. Scratching out some space in time away from untold adult obligations (ie. it is tough being a responsible adult….not “time to mate now”….although there is that as well……when there is time anyway) can seem impossible, even without being hurled headlong into a blog-war.
So I say we turn off the cell phones, grab a pencil and notepad, and head off into a cave somewhere. OR, you could hop your ass on a train and come down here and drink tea, eat oranges, and WRITE.
Comcast is taking away all my channels one by one.I think the last one to go will be home shopping.. I can still watch this video on this blog. Please don't take this down.,
My understanding is that they're moving some channels to digital to make room (not actually taking channels away), but I could be wrong. Alas, my caveat about not necessarily having cable at some point in the near future is due to my husband being laid off. As a Comcast employee, free cable (& heavily discounted internet and phone) was part of his benefits package, which is due to expire (along with the more relevant bennies like health insurance) at the end of this month.
Ah well, it was fun while it lasted. And, yeah, should the Discovery Channel become invisible to me (and I still have internet access, ahem) I'll be replaying this video myself from time to time.
That's an awesome commercial – I love those things too.
some buffoon, also, coincidentally, with a blog called “Minutiae,” got riled up because I had used that same word in my blog’s title.>>
…dude. seriously? um, wow.
congrats!!
Man, you are a stronger person than me! (the going weeks part…)
The funny thing here of course is that I was so hoping you'd be paying attention to your site stats when I linked to you in the post. 'Cause dude, I miss you! And it's always a brilliant and lovely thing to hear from you
That said, maybe you could consider a less radical, but still helpful approach – like a one-week Sitemeter Amnesty period. Take the code out of your page so you're not even tempted to look. Then see if it changes how or what you write. You can always go back!
Dude, two weeks now and my ass will be on that train. (Provided husband doesn't break his foot again or something like that.) Miss you much and so looking forward to seeing you and writing with you. Hugs to your honey and the pooches too. (Do you suppose Amtrak would just ignore their policies this once and let me bring Lynyrd?)
I'm afraid so. Interesting looking back on it, the notion of blogwars over something like that. At least when feminists do it there are substantive (albeit often violently skewed and ego-laden) issues at play…
Thanks! And she just got registered for all her new classes today. Latin I, Spanish II, and a whole bunch of other rad stuff. And yeah, the Latin thing was all her idea.
Thanks! And, you and me both, honey. (Also, cool you're on Twitter! Following you back now.)
Granted, I am utterly lacking in objectivity, but I'm inclined to think so too
Totally. I think the Stephen Hawking part is my fave
Backatcha, babe.
You too. And I'm trying to… thanks.
I've actually had to ban myself from certain blogs for the duration. Once the nomination is wrapped up, I'm make some cautious trips back to see if my eyes don't again start to burn instantly upon contact with some of my formerly favorite sites.
I love ya back, and I do know that – thank you, you have no idea what a difference it has made.
Hey there, Brave Musketeer. Since I've disabled sitemeter I have no idea how you found me, but I love you already. And would have said so a whole week ago when you comment came in (same to the ever-awesome Maria Niles above), but I've just been overwhelmed. Suffice it to say, you have spoken my own mind here. Thank you.
(And re: “will there be apologies”? I certainly hope so – all around.)
Maria – I regret it's taken me this long to reply to your comment, but as you may know, I've had a few things going on. That said? Even while the focus of your activism and writing hasn't been exclusively around feminism, I still regard you as one of the most kick-ass feminists I've come across in some time. Your piece at Blogher for Women's History Month? Absolutely rocked. (And sorry it's taken me this long to say so.)
And I very much share the specific hope you've articulated here.
I do check my Sitemeter log, which is where I saw that someone had come from here.
Well…I noticed too! *LOL* I figured it was a lot more likely to be a reference from you than readers of 'The Feminist' (which also syndicated your post) coming arounfd to look in on my blog! I will forever be a sitemeter addict, I'm affraid.
I owe you a long e-mail, V. Lots o happpenins in Blogland since we first started, eh? Hope all is well with you.
This speaks to me, as you so often do. The blogosphere is a sour taste pretty much all around lately, and identity politics have pretty much thrown the radical mental health train off the tracks. But I'll follow you anywhere, you always have something en-COURAGE-ing up that speaks to what goes on.
That commercial is seven-hundred and ninety-eight layers of awesome!
It's weird how many ways I was connected to Barbara. I probably met her at some point and don't remember. I reached out to a friend and former colleague in Williamsburg who has worked in DV/SA for many years and knew Barbara. I'll let you know if I hear anything interesting from her.
I'm so very sorry for your loss. 53 is so young! ((hugs))
funny you should say that, because of the amount of writing i try to do, it is very difficult to get to visit every friend i have in the blogosphere unless i see their clicks or their comments. i too find it sad to have to “sacrifice” this, but it's necessary for me to concentrate on my writing–which is the hardest thing i've had to do in my life, harder than the time I had to shave my own butthole (now i just let the bf do it). all the books, all the mentors i've had say writing is a marathon, and i am not that. also, just as an aside, it was technorati that clued me in on this piece.
the single clicks are great but links also elevate blog rankings LOL. see? I'm still addicted. i hate myself. now i have to gorge on chips….
i remember that. that was quite ugly.
please let me know what you think of this book. i almost picked it up, but for some reason hesitated. i am actually reading “look me in the eye” by john elder robinson who is his older brother, who writes about their father too. i am afraid of getting “burroughs” overload. robinson's book is more specifically about growing up with asperger's syndrome and how his family dealt (or not dealt) with it.
Okay, re: the butthole thing – God you crack me up. (Pun intended!)
But re: the marathon thing? I think it's more putting one foot (or word) in front of another. I think sometimes you have to force yourself not to pick up the pace, but to deliberately slow yourself down, to consider each word carefully. Tortoise trumps hare, because it just keeps going. Momentum rather than fits and starts.
At least, that's what works best for me (when anything is working at all; I'm terrible at heeding my own suggestions, of course).
And don't be hatin'. You're too lovely for that.
It really messed with my head, that whole brouhaha. Not just because of the unnecessary and frankly bizarre, petty and hateful crap I was subjected to, but because it didn't exactly bring out the best in me, either. Unfortunate all around. Something I've tried to learn from and move on.
One lesson I ought to have taken from it at the time, but was still too dense to get, was to be quite guiltless when it comes to deflecting other people's bullshit. That I'm not under any obligation to entertain anyone's egomaniacal and/or just plain mean rants. The sky won't fall and no reasonable person will condemn me as a censor if I moderate comments, and I damn sure don't owe anyone an explanation for my choices in such matters (least of all the trolls themselves). Fuck that noise, y'know? It doesn't deserve my energy. (Of which I have a finite amount.)
Funny, I have his brother's book too – but stopped about 50 pages in. It was absolutely compelling but I felt like I wanted to reread AB's earlier books first for perspective. (Then a bunch of shit hit the fan and I ended up neither rereading AB's stuff or finishing Robison's book.)
Now, oddly enough, I'm about the same number of pages into AB's latest and I'm frozen in place. Partly because, again, there's been a huge amount of stuff happening (funeral today for instance), but also partly because I'm afraid of what may be revealed. It's all projection, of course – there's stuff I haven't written about myself that I desperately need to (or I've written about it but not in the way it ought to have been written).
What is quite interesting is the extent to which the early material in A Wolf at the Table really humanizes AB's mother. The fact that the earlier books (narrating points in time later than I'm reading about now) represent her more as a monster wasn't, I think, a distortion; rather, by that point in time, she'd simply dissolved so much that she was incapable of making (or was unwilling to make) rational, caring choices with regard to raising (if you could even call it that – “raising”) her son. (And what monster wasn't, at some point, an innocent?)
So I'm enthralled by both books but kind of petrified too. I think in the coming weeks I'll have more room to take in the material. I also have another reason to go back to Robison's book – my recently deceased aunt Barb leaves behind a husband who is not in spectacular health himself, and a severely autistic and developmentally disabled daughter. The time may come when my husband and I end up caring for her. To be honest, the prospect scares the crap out of me – I'm so out of my depth with the issue of autism and related disorders I don't know where to begin. Of course given the severity of our cousin's impairment, I don't expect there will be much that is directly analogous to (the quite highly functioning) Robison's experience, but on matters of (to me) recognizable emotional expression, there's a lot I need to start working hard to wrap my head around.
A colleague of Barb's from when she was at the Victim-Witness Assistance Program, a woman named Nancy Bolash, spoke very eloquently about Barb's work on DV and related issues at the funeral mass today. I'd talked with Barb about the work often enough, but the most common context for our communicating was around family events that didn't lend themselves to delving deeply into such discussions. So it was good for me to hear from this woman about this other part of her life, which I'd had the outlines for in someways but not much filled in.
Toward the end of what she shared there was something about how she'd cared for so many others that she left little time to care for herself. That certainly rang true. (But how I wish it didn't.)
Over time I hope I can assemble a clearer picture of Barb in all her dimensions, what she excelled at and what she struggled with. In families (even my husband's, which by my standards is a pretty healthy family), it can be so hard to get through the silences to understand what has really transpired. I had some idea, for instance, that things were going badly for Barb over this last year but no specific indication of ill health on this level until literally last month. So even while it makes some sense, I'm in shock.
What hit me hardest today was seeing her husband at the gravesite. He looked like he wanted to crumble, but too, he has to keep it together for Carolyn, who, although she's 19 or so, I'm not sure fully understands what's happened. And whatever she does understand, she may not be able to express (she is severely autistic) in ways I'm able, immediately, to recognize. So it's just her and her dad now, and I can't imagine their grief.
FWIW, I sent Barb's husband a copy of Donald Hall's Without, one of my favorite collections of poems regardless of subject matter (coming to terms with the death of his wife, another among my favorite poets: Jane Kenyon). I've given it to people before in situations like this, even when they weren't ordinarily inclined to read poetry at all and (although it's possible they were just being polite, because really, what do you do in that situation, with everyone wanting to assuage a pain for you that cannot possibly be assuaged?) I've heard that they've found real comfort in it.
Anything you do learn, do feel free to forward on by whatever means feels most appropriate to you – thanks very much for your concern, and your words, which are indeed a comfort to me.
Thanks, AJ. And take your time w/ that email. We've e-known each other how long now? It can wait as long as need be, I ain't going anywhere
Thanks so much, friend. Always an encouraging (in all senses of the word) thing to hear from you. Sending you a great big hug.
Hee. And oh sweet Jesus do I owe you a great big email. Look for it in the next few days as the dust settles on this entirely too stimulating week. Meantime, hugs
i wish it was the hare situation; but it is definitely the tortoise. plus, i only have so much energy to devote to writing after all the day-to-day little chores that keep my life going–laundry, cooking and masturbating–you think i keeed, but there is a lot of reality in that writing is a hobby that is trying to get above the other hobbies, like a child trying to raise his or her hand in class to get the teacher's attention. my method right now, just spend at least 4 hours a week to sit down and write. thanks for your encouragement and your suggestions.
)
being “anonymous” can be an advantage here. i can (more) easily separate myself from my blog persona and my actual person. in my blog, i can be as outrageous and as controversial as i want/am, short of taking my photo and blasting it on the web, it's not like people can really tell in the real world that i am this “no milk”. that's also why i take care to pick only the pics the show my best side, in case somebody does a perez hilton on me and posts it with nasty doodles.
with you, i imagine it's much harder. even though, the victoria online maybe different from the real victoria, when people talk about you, they can use your real name and make it sound like they know YOU. unlike me, they can only talk about “no milk”.
“look me in the eye” is my bathroom read, which means i can only read it in little 10-15 chunks. no lingering around unless i want my bf to bang on the door yelling to see if i'm done. i think it's interesting to see both authors' versions of their shared history. sometimes, it reminds me of how when i read my twin brother's old blog that i am surprised by something he writes about a shared event in our past. i'd be like–i don't remember it quite that way–but it's nevertheless true for him.
you've convinced me, i am buying the book this weekend while it's 30% at borders…
I do some sitemeter checks, but generally they are all searches for inducing miscarriages with vitamin c.
I hope you are okay, and I am sorry for your loss, and your husbands loss, and for the loss of everyone in Barbara Seiberts community who will mourn her.
x
Well, now I know where to go if I ever needed that info. (Though thankfully the husband is fixed.) (Of course, he calls it “broken,” ha ha.)
Thanks very much.
Thank you. I really appreciate it.
I recently had a huge spike in readership (a post getting something in the neighborhood of 25,000 total hits over several days, and still coming in) and I've found it SO unnerving that it seems to have “cured” me of the whole Sitemeter thing. What I realize I want is QUALITY readers, not quantity. (Yes, fully aware I sound perilously similar to Bill Murray at the beginning of “Tootsie”: “I don't want a full house at the Winter Garden. I want 90 people who just came in out of the worst rainstorm in the city's history. These are people who are ALIVE on the PLANET. I wish I had a theater that was only open when it rains.)
But really, I don't want a bunch of bored kids on Facebook or MetaFilter, clicking on my blog and picking over my life for their entertainment, then commenting in a snotty way. Fuck that. I want … well, yes…people that are ALIVE on the PLANET.
So this massive-linking has brought me to a massive evaluation, too. It's actually quite freeing. But we never learn if we don't go through these things. So I can relate to this post, in extremis.
One thing I do, as a very Catholic Act of Humility, is keep the GeoVisite global widget on my blog (the rotating globe at the bottom), because it chronically undercounts by as much as a fifth or fourth. So, it will always show a lower-than-true number… I figure that's like letting people think you weigh more than you do, lol. I initially told myself I was putting it there because it's pretty and the rotating globe is very cool… in fact, I was already getting way obsessed with the numbers. But I have 2 other counters on my site, and learned of GeoVisite's inaccuracy. That's why I think it isn't popular–PRIDE. (That fascinates me!)
Great post, and you are such an entertaining writer.
I love the froggies. So cool!
Oh cool!
I need to start watching TV more, I haven't seen this commercial yet!
awww. that's totally great. (i refrained from saying “toadally”)
that's so great. love froggy. heart froggy.
LOL Great song!
Glad you enjoyed! I like that the opening bars sound so folksy and you're expecting, I dunno, some song about justice or sunlight or some other such hippie crap. (I was raised, in part, by a hippie, so the reference is self-deprecatory.) But, no. It's satire. And I *heart* me some good satire.
Oh dear.
Ummm, my vote is on vast amounts of drugs. Probably taking acid then going to yard sales.
I would love to put that in my office at work. Whenever someone asked me a question I didn't want to answer, I'd just point to the card and say “The rule of consciousness is near.” It beats what I do now, which is to just scream “WHO SENT YOU???”
“VCU’s Sculpture Department, ranked again by US News & World Report as the top program of its kind in the country? “
Just another example of why one should not believe what one reads in US News & World Report.
I love it. I seriously would buy it. It's so inscrutible.
Um hey. Just went to your blog, and – you have a picture of your own brain in the template? Freakin' genius. And I'm SO jealous. Had a brain MRI a few years back and I ASKED THOSE BASTARDS for a souvenir photograph but they 1) acted like I was nuts (insert ironic laughter here) and 2) claimed they could only save, not print the digital image because printer cartridge was out or some such crap.
I did, at least, learn that I have a weird disorder (”chiari” I think it's called) where the lower part of my brain stem extends further than it ought to, crowding the area near my spinal column. Whatever the medical consequences are of that (for some, there is no impact; others have radical brain surgery for headaches and whatnot; don't know if my migraines are due to the brain-stem-thingie or not, but ain't nobody cutting into my brain, motherfucker), I like to think of it as my brain's own metaphor that illustrates my writer's motto: “Please, God, no more material.”
Because my brain is literally stuffed with it, see? “I DON'T HAVE ROOM FOR ANY MORE, kthxbai.”
The charitable theory here is that the existence of this… thing… in the same town, just a few blocks from the learning institution at which said program is housed, is a coincidence. (And to insert fairness into the snark: I have seen some fantastic work come out of that program.) We can always hope, right?
Ah, if only I hadn't disabled sitemeter* OR if you had some link right there w/ your name. Brain is itching to know what sort of office you're in, because I almost want to go steal and send this thing to you just to enable this scenario.
* Which I'm still glad I did.
Totally with you on that.
http:/drmomentum.com/aces
My office is in a research center for a university, and its appearance will probably not excite you. Fairly vanilla. If the atmosphere and culture in our center were more staid and businesslike, it might be funny to see people's reactions, but by now they're used to the weird from me. Here's what my office looked like when it was new. OK, it's actually a cubicle with tall walls. http://www.flickr.com/photos/drmomentum/570715428/
In any case, your post is why I love that people have cameras in their phones. You can remember and share all of the weird stuff you see.
Added my link. I'm afraid my office isn't that interesting, visually. Math ed research project at a university. If I were to do this, that's just say: more of James' usual.
Yeah, I'm kinda friendly with the old brain. I've had like five brain surgeries, though, so my surgeon's a bit friendly with it, too. Part of the reason I have the brain pic up is because a lot of the blog is about epilepsy, which I have due to brain damage from when I was a kid. (So where you have more than enough brain, I have a little less–but I make do).
My brain is constantly getting me in trouble. Need some extra, just let me know!
That is funny. Retired, but having been an office worker, I can relate to you comment. That artifact is truly bizare, and your coment is funny. There is so much sickness in the world, I have to laugh just to keep from loosing my mind. Thanks for your humor. Now my comment: the art reminds me of the male urge to kill and make war…with the head of a baby victim, our children.
That is too funny. Retired now, but I can relate to wanting to redirect, rather than interact.
Dude! Totally sorry I didn't see your comment in the moderation queue until this point. (Yeesh, and you left it a week ago.) Well, that's what I get for being a total slacker about the blogging.
This really should be your Twitter avatar!
Awesome picture; I instantly thought of Cyndi Lauper. Not that I'm a huge fan, because I had to google her name to spell it right, but still. My first impression was not ho.
I think it looks fun. 16-17 was about the time I started exploring new ways to express myself physically – there are very few photos though.
Dude, fix your blog link! (Under new commenting system, I can't – alas.) Right now it's going to http : // notrobsstuff . blog POST .com Instead of to http : // notrobsstuff . blog SPOT .com. The former, apparently, resolves to a spam site.
Ha. It is always a nice thing to hear “my first impression was not ho.” Also, I do believe there was a partial Cyndi Lauper inspiration at play here. Even if it was later in the 80s and we didn't have a TV anymore.
Okay sure. For Halloween only, though
My answer to the crossword thing was “Mighty Mouse,” of course. I mean, he is the BEST at saving girls from railroad tracks (they don't tie GUYS to railroad tracks, they tie them to logs in the sawmill, balls facing the saw, of course).
And Pat Robertson is heaping pile of feces, so I figure he has to look like that.
I'm fairly certain that with a treadmill, Lou Dobbs, and Lamb of God I would be 50 lbs lighter in a week.
Trackback:
Dead Air's first birthday!
Your life is just far more exciting than should be allowed.
That rather echoes my own feelings at the time
This is my first introduction to your blog. Your Twiiters are hilarious. I now see where that comes from, a bit. Those of us who use humor to survive are surviving.
Why thank you.
That's just cool. You can't go wrong with metal and feminism.
I know, right!
Any chance you're a fan of Otep? Seriously. Blisteringly awesome, politically charged, if not explicitly feminist then at least imbibed with all sorts of woman-power. (Lesbian power, even!)
No, that wasn’t her birthname; rather, “Lee” was short for the name to which she’d changed hers in court, which was deliberately derivative of the name of Aileen Wuornos.
Oh, Holy God.
And this didn't ring any alarm bells????
(joking)
Oh, it did. It definitely did. But by then, well, the die was cast or some such thing. Explained in the book. Which I may even, one day, finish!
It seems a double edged sword. I can definitely understand what you mean about not wanting to try to disrupt the memory. But then I also know a few veterans who might sleep a little easier if they remembered things less vividly.
Though, that this guy contacted you through Myspace makes me think this is a scam of some sort. Did you reply or just delete it?
Yeah, the guy's legit I'm pretty sure (I checked out the phone number in his message – redacted from the image file in case it was a private line), but still, weird.
Haven't replied yet. Was hoping for an onslaught of wisdom from people who know better than I do about matters of this nature! (*still waiting*)
My memories sometimes trigger anxiety attacks. But I'd never take that particular drug (I'm on a rather complicated cocktail of meds as is) because I figure, I am happy with the person I am today and without those experiences I would not be this person. My other thought is: the interwebs is/are terrible in this “I wish I could erase that from my memory” idea! Some thoughts of yours resurface from 2006 via stranger on MySpace? This post is like a nesting doll.
“This post is like a nesting doll” – snort, thanks. I mean, I think.
my pharmacology professor actually spent a lot of time talking about beta-blockers and alternative uses. in fact, she said using beta-blockers to treat stage fright is pretty common. basically, it tones down your “fight or flight” response(not enough to make it go away). you will likely have the same psychological experience, but less heart palpitations, weak knees, sweaty palms, and other common responses. pretty sure that it wouldn't impact your memory, but rather your body would lack the physiological footprint of a trauma. which comes in handy when people who suffer from PTSD are paralyzed initially by those symptoms. i'm guessing that the hope is in blocking the initial onset of the symptoms during trauma the body is less likely to initiate upon triggers, allowing the person some freedom to navigate without such immediate physical discomfort.
i doubt that it does much to take the drug after the fact, except maybe if you know that you are going into a situation that may trigger symptomatic responses to PTSD.
m/ !!!!! Go daughter!
I prescribe a maximum dozage of Minutemen. I'm not sure whether I do it for her own good or out of spite, though.
See, she can make the horns and all (or “rockfingers” as we like to call them, because that's the kind of metal dorks we are), but still working on the enthusiasm.
Maybe both for her own good and for spite
Looks like she was rocking the bershon. I feel your parental pain, and mine's only 10. I fear she's going to grow up to be a republican.
Ha! Well, my girl may err heavily on the side of the bubblegum pop, but I'm not terrifically worried she'll go Republican. One of her classmates is the son of Virginia's former Attorney General, the arch-conservative Jerry Kilgore, and my girl runs circles around that poor kid when they argue politics
I'm telling you…
Be. Quiet!
Forget teenagers, I've got a 4 year old headbanger here who would have died for a chance like that.
This rocks.
Thanks, y'all.
This is a really beautiful and touching post. Isn't it interesting that there arepeople who touch our lives without ever knowing it?
I know. I feel like the family in the AP story is kind of like… a shadow presence in my own life? It's hard to explain. But, yeah, it's why this newspaper clipping has followed me everywhere I went for the last 16 years. Which is a lot of places. Crazy, crazy places…
Yes if you like the Movie with Jim Carey, It just came out on HULU!!
http://www.hulu.com/watch/23204/eternal-sunshin...
Thought you'd like that!!!
Whew! So much to know about you . I can't stop reading .
I somehow feel luck y that I was diagnosed with cancer just before accepting the position on Richmond NOW President
Listening to Bob Nelson now.
Man, that is so cool. I don't know if you ever saw the poster that was made for a conference session I was part of, but I pity the fool that isn't down with Mr. T – http://www.flickr.com/photos/harry/399870782/
You should frame that book and hang it up as art.
That is the definition of AWESOME!!
I have a few little memory files around – clippings, photos, poetry. John usually questions why I continue to hold onto them.
My interpretation of this would be that the universe has confirmed that it knows how you are feeling – you're something important that has become lost, or you feel discarded i.e. the dollar bill – especially given that it was a one dollar this makes me think it represents you – I'm not from the US but I seem to remember that dollar bills say 'In God We Trust' on them, but this bill has been lost – does this sum up how you feel? that you don't know which God to trust?
Then we move onto the baby bird, the fledgling starting it's way out in the world – again I feel this is symbolic of you. Take the lesson from the bird, follow your instincts and learn how to fly. But follow the advice literally – just go with your instincts, find your own path – and don't let labels stifle your growth. You are an aspect of the creative force of the universe – you don't need to have any other faith than faith in yourself.
Dawn x
Whoa. This is like…well, whoa. Stuff like this makes you stop and think about the things that are important, and not dwell on the superficial. Thanks for sharing, sweets.
I think you are very nice. Sorry — I have this habit of keeping things under 140 characters these days.
Hon? There are some pretty serious words in there…
If you need a shoulder or an ear, mine is available.
(((((((((((((hug))))))))))))))))))
Aw, you're sweet. One thing I just now realized? The prominent appearance of the words “cheating” with “husband” could be incredibly misleading. While it would still be a pretty bad idea for me to expound on the entirety of what wasn't (thank God!) spilled into my Twitter feed, I think it is just fine to clarify that the references to “cheating” had to do with the fact that I was maniacally maintaining this list of non-Tweeted things, while the apparent purpose of the hiatus (again, short lived as it was) had been, in part, to see if my brain could just chill for a bit and not be so damned talky.
So “Wondering if the fact that I'm maintaining this list at all is cheating. Or if *sharing it* would be cheating…” along with a bunch of this, that and the other thing about my marriage? Okay, yeah. Alarm bells at the raw combination of nouns alone.
But… we're okay. (If we weren't though, I'd tell you. Because I know you're cool like that.)
And thanks.
I'm glad your hiatus ended, it was kind of quiet without you.
Yeah, that “cheating” “husband” and “divorce” trio in the word cloud had me worried. Glad it's not that.
Aw, sweets. I wanna reach through my MBP and give you a big hug. I've certainly had those moments. Actually, more often than not, but at some point you grab ahold of the beast, shake it off, and then try and get *through* it. Note: Not *over* it, but *through it. Big difference. Anyway, anyhow…for the record, your Tweets give me supreme satisfaction, and I can't say how happy I am that our paths crossed. X's and O's to you, love.
I'd think that whatever you might have managed to hold onto, leaving Wisconsin for Australia? Has to be pretty important. You tell your man I said so!
You are just too damned cool for school, darlin. And me being a huge flake? Still not having emailed you back? It's because I'm trying to do proper justice to all your awesomeness. For reals.
The picture of the bird is stunning. I'm glad you got the picture and the message.
Wordle is kinda cute. It would be neat if you could plug in more than del.icio.us.
You can, actually! That entire word cloud was generated from a block of document text I copied and pasted into the javascript window. Pretty rad stuff.
I would have totally faved the “fuckity funlegs brain dream.” I had one of those last night!
Eh, because I'm not confusing people enough today on Twitter, I had to reply there. Because while I could have replied here only, you couldn't have faved that, now could you?
Not that I actually expect you to do such, I must hasten to add! (I'm terribly thrilled you've left two comments here. That's plenty good enough for me.) But hey, at least it's an option: http://twitter.com/vmarinelli/statuses/846223881
Dear Victoria,
I love your writing. I've been reading your stuff for a long time without ever commenting. I especially liked this post about prayer and wanted to thank you.
Dear Victoria, I've been reading your stuff for a long time without ever commenting. I like your writing very much and wanted to thank you for this post about prayer. Often bloggers and internet people seem to think atheism is so chic and that it's cool to visciously mock those who disagree. It's refreshing to read a post like this.
Kind of you to comment, Mike. I have complicated feelings around atheism and around what is, to me, inextricably linked to atheism: cynicism. I'm actually a pretty caustically cynical person a lot of the time, for all sorts of reasons that make perfect sense but are also deeply disheartening. I've also been to the edge (an unspecified edge, it would be hard to precisely elaborate, and again it feels like a contradiction for me even to explicitly talk about faith as such) with faith, having experienced it in undeniably authentic, deep ways and then coming to grips, years later, with how psychologically malleable that faith had made me.
And of course, so much evil is done in the name of faith. So I get why people are atheists, to be sure, but mocking those with deep spiritual beliefs, of course, is not about the expression of some higher, albeit grittier atheistic “reason,” but simply about meanness. I think there's enough 'mean' on all sides to go around.
My ex-girlfriend, an art director at an ad agency, had a shelf in our living room with a lovely color-coded shelving system — an entire spectrum of books in which I, the librarian in the relationship, could find nothing. She despised my Dewey systemed bookshelf almost as much. She's dating another art director now, and I'm sure their home is beautiful and disorienting.
Since having children, my books are organized with only one imperative: that MAMA'S SPECIAL NIGHT TIME BOOKS stay on the tippity-topmost shelf.
Good work, Marinelli.
Bwa ha ha ha. Mama's special night time books, I'm going to be giggling about that (along with “I'm sure their home is beautiful and disorienting”) all day now, thanks
I love your Yucky / Yummy system, I think mainly because I love books. Anything to do with organizing them or not organizing them is for me. In my case an unusual system has evolved. I guess the total must be 1000 +, which although we moved into a bigger house 2 years ago, far exceeds the space available. I left several massive boxes unpacked in the garage, boxes containing 50 or 80 volumes randomly selected in the days immediately prior to our move. As we grew into the new house, the three adults and three children which comprise my immediate family, we gradually discovered that there'd never be enough space for all the beloved books. So, every few months I take a box from the garage, struggle it up the stairs to the house, and exchange its contents with stuff that's on the shelves, more or less maintaining random selection. By now I've recycled between garage and house all the books we own at least once. It's proven to be a wonderful way to keep refreshing what's visible on the shelves while maintaining a sense of anticipation at regularly discovering long lost friends.
i love this pic
Just remember it's you that has decided to go through all the stuff from the last decade. You could just box and move.
Good lord I get this. I have trouble cleaning out the junk of the words I am thinking nonstop, and like the junk I have in my apartment, I don't really want to just, you know, throw it away. But I make myself throw real things away, for society's sake, yet can't throw away words. What I am meaning to say is Thank You.
I honestly am willing to bet that I know people you know. Less likely, but still a possibility… that I *knew* people that you *knew*, if you know what I mean. Hmmm.
Of course, when you went to school in Olympia everyone looked the same and talked the same, as they say.
It could totally be true. Among the queers, I don't think we get a full six degrees of separation, do we? (Maybe 1 1/2?) And… oh sweet Lord, you're gonna make me play that Hole song now, aren't you?
Oh, and er, if it is true, you make me look good, purty lady. <end flirt>
Ha! Totally blushing. Ain't you sweet?
I still have a “Plexus” T-shirt (from the feminist newspaper I worked for), and it says “59 cents”–which is what women were then paid on the dollar (equivalent to the “male dollar”)… smart ass men used to ask me if I was worth 59 cents when I wore it.
I can't get rid of stuff like that…nice to see I ain't the only sentimental pack-rat around!
You worked on Plexus? That's so cool!
I'll be singing the theme song to 'Willard' all day now. Thank you, Michael Jackson, you freak.
Um, okay? (I have no idea what you're talking about, sorry!)
I knew that logo looked familiar. That's really cool.
Luckily we don't believe in auto karma, or the DMV monitoring Twitter — and then taking revenge.
Dude, your timing just completely freaked me the fuck out. See this tweet. Holy crap.
1. Holy shit.
2. Holy shit.
3. You will get through this.
I can only sympathize. empathize. exorcize.
I'm so glad you found her! Woot!
So glad the kitty is found!!!
(I still haven't recovered from my old kitty's passing, in June)
So very sorry about your cat, Daisy
And, of course, thank you. As always.
Hey, you're writing. Looking forward to the next installment. I love finding out that my tweeps can produce more than 140 characters at a go. Kudos. Now, get back to work!
You have a future as a London Review of Books personal ads writer. LRB tends to have oddball ads, and has published a collection of all time greats. 'They Call Me Naughty Lola' — the LRB personal ads: a reader, edited by David Rose (2007 or so).
I don't have twitter and can't go a minute more without it. Am going to sign up RIGHT NOW. Plus, fyi, I'll be wanting to read whatever gets built around that bullet quote – you're a really good writer!
Ha! Yeah, irony of having poured in this many words into the story about the story is kind of embarrassing, but it cleared some mental cobwebs, so whatevs. Getting the story outlined as best I can. The fact that I'm severely jonesing to read some tweets is just the facilitating kick in the ass I need (hopefully) to knock out a pretty well fleshed out draft in the next few days.
That is one of the kindest and also weirdest compliments I've ever received, thanks! For the record, I've never placed a personal ad anywhere, although I did draft one which I'd intended to place in, if memory serves, Seattle Weekly, in 1992: “Lovable, celibate lesbian seeks sugar mama.”
BUT I never placed the ad, and instead I got involved with the woman who is the topic of the above bullet-referencing anecdote, so I'll never know… what if?
That is so nice of you, thanks! Richmond has a pretty big group of people on Twitter at this point (I clicked through to your blog and saw you were local). I have a separate Twitter account for keeping up with local people, FYI: vmarinelliRVA, in addition to my original account, vmarinelli. I'm about at my capacity on people I can follow back from the second account, but if you follow the local one I can add you back from there.
Of course I'm saying this as I'm supposed to be on at least a brief hiatus from Twitter! But I reference the Richmond account because in my “Following” list there are lots of other local folks you might be interested in.
If I spent as much time and energy on my poetry as I do on Twitter, I'd have more to show from this year than a handful of scraps. SIGGHHHHHHH.
I like to think the sum of our Twittered fragments adds up to something pretty real, and facilitates necessary connections. I think too if you go back through what you've posted on Twitter you may find those sorts of fragments that you might otherwise never have articulated, which can be rewoven into other forms as needed.
If I'm wrong though, I am so fucked.
My 12-year-old brother (also on unlimited text) sent/received 10,000 last month. Literally don't know how he did it. He doesn't even have something like Twitter to blame.
PS Thanks for the nod!
Eeep! 10,000 – how is that even possible? I guess I feel slightly better now.
i may have missed that last tweet…was wondering where you went actually. but it must be nice to be able to write without a limit on how ma
i guess if you purposely use it for taking those sorts of notes, then it would be a kind of rough sketch pad for bigger ideas. i havent, but i'm going to try that thought out.
but you wont even know how it works WILL you?? cuz you wont BE there. on that cozy, happy, hip room of Twitterdom. you'll be all Drugstore Cowboy “oooh i've gone clean now i dont DO twitter anymore”
AS IF I could go clean for very long. Ha, you have a rich imagination my dear. (I'm so close to breaking my little Twitter promise you have no idea.)
Anyway, as it turns out I picked a rather huge story to write, requiring lots of research, correspondence, digging through old journals and pictures, etc. (Which is kind of challenging considering my office is in chaos, everything mostly still in boxes, from the move.) So I might have to make some sort of compromise – e.g. after I reach such and such word count, I can let myself tweet and read tweets again.
Especially given that half my process right now is waiting on replies to correspondence from some of the principal characters… GODDAMN, why can't I just write fiction?! *wails*
Anyway, as soon as I'm back in tweetland, yours will be some of the first tweets I attempt to catch up on.
Pens.
I keep a pack of those Glide flossers in the drawer next to my bed and another in the car. Won't put the pounds on, and your dentist will love you. Now, get your ass back on twitter.
Yes, ma'am!
And, I'm going to have to (go back to Twitter, that is), soon. I'm hitting walls with the story that are logistic in nature rather than creative (e.g. waiting for replies to emails sent to certain individuals in the story, double-checking what I remember, etc.).
I do miss my tweeps something awful!
What, chewing them? Oddly enough, that used to be a major habit. Not proud of this, and certainly there were embarrassing moments when someone asked to borrow a pen and then I'd look at the thing right before handing it over and… yeah. Mortifying.
Maybe I'd mostly stopped that because I've been less likely to write longhand these days, and often can't even find a functioning pen. (Although I know I have hundreds, hidden about.)
Okay, now I have dental floss and pens. That's better than unnecessarily stuffing my face, thanks!
Suckers? The sugar-free ones are especially low in calories and are still sweet.
Dude, why hadn't I thought of that? Plus, the amount of time it takes to make one disappear = an approximately ideal amount of time for brain's mini-vacation between paragraphs.
Will pick some up from store ASAP, thanks!
When my wife was pregnant and needed to drink a ridiculous amount of water a day, she also got very bored of drinking it. We started putting slices of lemon or lime in it. The ritual of cutting a slice of lemon really made it less boring. We also occasionally went for sparkling water.
That's a toughy…seeing as how I spent the entire weekend drinking peanuts out of a can and eating cinnamon buns with extra icing in flagrant violation of a det I'm failing at anyway, probably not in a position to offer reasonable advice. Have heard, however, that you burn more calories chewing celery than they're worth.
Too bad it tastes like watered down crap.
I'm addicted to juice (the organic kind-lemonade's only $1/bottle now, always happens in the summer) and berries like blueberries. If you're gonna compulsively snack (I do at times) I think blueberries are a good route.
I totally go for lemon water too. I personally hate water (see other comment on juice addiction).
I have the oral fixation (not that kind, blah blah) something terrible. I chew my nails, I suck my thumb, I bite my lip, and I eat baby carrots all damn day. I also smoke, but only one a day or so, before bed. I also slice a bunch of lemons and freeze them in a ziploc, then add them to water. Sometimes I enjoy a really juicy pen cap, as well. With a dry white wine, oh, superb.
This reminds me of oldy-timey housewives magazines, we're swapping helpful household hints! About chewing pens! We're so subversive.
Miss you!
I listened to this on the radio over the weekend– or most of it. I loved the story the comedian told about his sleep disorder. For many years I suffered from chronic insomnia, though part of it was just not needing much sleep. And I didn't dream. At all. Then I took a course of meds to “regulate” my sleep pattern and ceded all those extra hours of my life to sleep. Ironically– and painfully– it seems all I want to do is sleep. Depression doesn't help…
I listened to this on the radio over the weekend– or most of it. I loved the story the comedian told about his sleep disorder. For many years I suffered from chronic insomnia, though part of it was just not needing much sleep. And I didn't dream. At all. Then I took a course of meds to “regulate” my sleep pattern and ceded all those extra hours of my life to sleep. Ironically– and painfully– it seems all I want to do is sleep. Depression doesn't help…
It's important to note, I think, that you utilize Twitter as much as you play on it. I find it an effective tool to write poem-pieces while I'm running around, especially on public transit. And yes, I go through my tweets and cull some stuff into workable writing later. I didn't want this to be a big “In Defense of Twitter” comment, but it's nice to have that 140-character limited “voice” just as much as it's important to lock yourself up and write long swaths of memoir. They're all experiments with the same end-goal, no?
Mostly, I'm glad you're back. I was counting on you for tomorrow's “show”.
xoxo
Well, Lollipops of course! You can exploit the Lolita fantasy or just do it secretly in the confines of your office. They make sugar-free ones too.
Ha! I actually went with these, even though they're not sugar-free; they have 23 or so calories each and they're organic and stuff, so I can share 'em with the kids in good conscience.
Not so into the Lolita thing, but if it keeps hands and mouth occupied while I flip out between paragraphs? Hey, whatever works!
I am just now gathering that there will be a show! Planning on following along closely. You go, girl.
I still haven't heard the podcast. Nor replied to your lovely letter and gift, which took me forever to get from the post office after the truck got totaled and the Jeep's transmission went. Sorry for being so all-or-nothing about everything. I'm playing catch-up here.
Or at least, I'm trying.
I still haven't heard the podcast. Nor replied to your lovely letter and gift, which took me forever to get from the post office after the truck got totaled and the Jeep's transmission went. Sorry for being so all-or-nothing about everything. I'm playing catch-up here.
Or at least, I'm trying.
That blog comment contained the winsome trinity of sexy and hilarious and weird.
Because, of course, it was yours.
Edited to add Also, now I want some baby carrots.
I love celery! Problem is, I love it with peanut butter.
Which, I'm just now realizing, we have both of in the house.
Damn you!
But… but… would my blue teeth go with my newly red hair? Think about it!
It goes with mine.
I get the feeling this photo doesn't quite do justice to the blood-red-ness of the hair coloring. I was imagining a more Hammer-vampire-Christopher-Lee-with-SpaghettiOs-on-his-mouth sort of shade.
Ha! Well, my hair is naturally pretty dark, so the areas where the dye seeps in the most are where the gray streaks and split ends are. (Why yes, this is how I cope with pushing 38!)
Having come to your blog from Twitter, it dismays me to find, in the comments no less, that you are a great big liar, liar, pants on fire. You are no more 38 than I'm thirty… um…. [redacted]. From this picture and the flip off one, I was sure you were in your twenties and plan to continue operating under this delusion.
Aw, you're so sweet! (And I'm not 38, it's true. I'm pushing 38. I will be 38 in 3 months and 8 days. Not that I'm counting!.)
But hey, I understand necessary delusions. I am, after all, using Vampire Red to cover up the silver and gray, so… um yeah.
You are saying what I've been thinking for way to long. However the addiction to twitter is not something I could hold off to finish writing something. My hope is that when I die someone will put my puzzle together and it will make them happy.
i chew the insides of my cheeks. its a mess in there. my other unpleasant obsessive habits include examining my hair for split ends and then pulling those i find apart, and examining my nails for splits that i can peel apart too.
have you tried sunflower seeds in their shells with salt on? like mulder nibbles at in x files. theyre massive in spain but really hard to find in the uk
when i do find them i buy bags and bags to last for a while. they are delicious and nibbly.
Your hair is beautiful! LONG LIVE LONG HAIR!
(And yes, love the color.)
Get a tongue piercing. That's what I'm doing to solve my oral fixation.
Awesome photo. Oh and hey-I signed up with twitter to follow the stuff going on at the RNC (lots of friends at the protests-awesome idea for mass protests, IMHO, since you can get phone updates) but I don't know if you want to follow me, but I'd like to be able to talk with you in that weird short sentenced way. (I'm Burrow over there.)
Somewhat unrelated to what you are actually saying here: I still find myself screeching out “I want it! Give it to me!” thanks to 7 Year Bitch. Make of that what you will, and may God grant you only backyard froggies and delicious hummus for material from this day forward. Many hugs for you.
And now you have me wanting to make a mixtape for you. Or CD. Or downloadbable mp3 collection. Please indicate your preference.
So I should just keep it in my blogroll as “I can't pick a name Victoria Marinelli.”
I adore Kate Millet and her book The Loony-Bin Trip about being bi-polar and her struggles with hospitals and lithium, while not generally talked about, was such a great thing for me to find and to read.
It was a valuable book for me too. Then in 1993 I had the experience of visiting her in St. Paul and having her A) scream at my girlfriend and me, calling us whores and the like; B) throwing furniture in my direction (which did not hit me, but did break apart on the floor), and C) finally slip from her drunken rage (e.g., she passed out on the floor).
So it added, shall we say, a different perspective on the mental illness issue than that which I'd read in The Loony Bin Trip.
I don't mean to be so difficult! It just comes naturally.
Hmm…gutterpunk was a well known term on the streets of New York and Seattle from my recollection.
And 7 Year Bitch…damn, hello my youthful years. I think I still have them on vinyl somewhere.
Extremely belatedly, I updated this post to reflect your insights. Thank you for your comment! It's something I'd like to explore further, when I'm not neck-deep in writing from another period.
I'm hooked !!
Girl. This is why I follow you on Twitter. Heart you.
Thanks, m'dear – you are too kind. Now for God's sake, let's hope I never have an occasion to write something like this again!
I, too, have been in “shock and awe” to see some of my favorite feminist websites so intent on bashing Obama. What I haven't been able to discern is what exactly they think will be so wonderful about a McCain/Palin presidency, except that it won't be Obama. Thanks for calling out the hypocrisy.
Here via Michele. You're a sanity-saver, Victoria. Love this.
Thanks, sweetie! Now of course due to political blogging I'm way behind where I want to be on word count, and I've only slept 2 hours out of the last 24, but after the election returns are in (*crosses fingers*) and I'm rested a bit, I'll be going back at this autiobiographical (but still technically fictional) mess with all I've got.
I can only speak for myself so that I can continue to support my belief in the majority of the individual over the many.
I remember the time countless children walked out of schools in Southern California to support by protest the plight they lived as citizens of immigrant parents. I looked to the works spoken by President Kennedy at the 90th commencement and anniversary of the Vanderbilt University and offered them to those children I saw running the streets. I hoped they would listen to those words and remember the responsibility they as citizen owed themselves.
Now I do the same to others looking for solace or an opinion on the direction one might hear in this time of great change. It was President Franklin Delano Roosevelt that insured my parent’s generation that “all we they had to fear was fear itself.”
In this same vain I know that by giving in to the fear of racism does one submit to racism’s power. To over come and defeat this fear I must embrace the source of the racism from which this fear hopes to feed and grow throughout this world that I so love. I must make a brother or sister of the other child of the great creator and embrace them in love and make every effort to make their own fears mine and in this way help them to defeat their own fears.
Huge on Twitter.com
Lovely post….and, understood.
What you said, V. All of it.
It's been utterly disheartening to see the process, on some blogs I once enjoyed (one of which you mention) with the glaring racism (”Opossum”?) and logical inconsistencies blatant enough that *Rush Limbaugh* would hesitate to use them.
Chris – your comment means a lot to me. I suspect you understand well what a loss it has been to online political discourse (the phrase “blogosphere” alone doesn't begin to convey it), to have some of these once-brilliant and engaging venues degraded to this point.
Odd, perhaps, that I woke up today with Ginsberg's Howl in my head, specifically the line “I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness” in a repeating loop. This is nothing if not madness.
You betcha, we kicked their ASSES. You must be proud you turned your state blue–we got as far south as NC, next time we take the whole damn thing!
Yes, I was a copy editor for awhile. Old habits die hard, love. Sorry. To wit:
Williamsburg, the neighborhood in Brooklyn, or Williamsburg, Virginia? Be specific.
Write this down and stick it on a sticky note someplace: “The less work the reader must do, the better, and minimize any possible confusion.”
Despite my own sloppy writing, I was once a copy editor, and old habits die hard!
To wit:
Williamsburg, the neighborhood in Brooklyn? Or Williamsburg, Virginia? (People tend to assume one or the other, depending on where they live already.) Always minimize any possible confusion for a reader. (That doesn't mean I always do this, but then, I don't write fiction.
)
Keep it up, and no slacking!
Ha, thanks. I think (I'll have to check) by this point in the chapter (this excerpt is from the first third of one chapter, is preceded by at least a few paragraphs) it's established that we're in Virginia – and it's definitely established in terms of the whole book (this will be one of the first chapter, but not the first chapter – they're being written completely out of order). But, I want each chapter to stand on its own, for the most part, as stories, so these are exactly the kinds of things I'll have to check as I go along, or at least return to later.
I'm nearly OCD about the editing stuff, and it's kind of a problem – the idea of NaNoWriMo being “save the editing for December and beyond, right now just get out the raw word count.” It's a very different approach from the one I'm used to, and I think once this thing is over, I'm going to try for a more reasonable middle path, where I edit as I go along (but not excessively, since that's led me to lots of dead ends before), but I shoot for at least 1,000 words a day.
I'm kind of doubting I'll make it to the 50,000 word mark by November 30th at this point – which is okay, it's a marathon after all, and I'm a first-timer – a number of participants have said it took them a few years before they made the entire word count in 30 days. Of course, if it were only about my ability to generate words, I'd be near the finish line already, between email, blogging, etc. (this morning I wrote 1,000+ words for a blog post I'm not ready to publish yet) – but it's been hard to concentrate that capacity on the book, exclusively.
First, the material is really painful (albeit with enough absurdity and occasional outright hilarity that it's not – to whatever extent I can speak objectively about the matter – a bummer to read). Second, although I'm using fictional forms, nearly all of it is based on things that actually happened, which must be coherent within their historical context. I tend to go off on variously useful research tangents (examples: here, here and here), which does hold me up somewhat (but I still think that's better than realizing I have to re-write huge sections because a given event couldn't have happened when I first thought it did).
ETA: Now if only I could count the above comment toward my word count, which is about 25% of the NaNoWriMo recommended daily average
Hell yeah! It's exhilarating. I'm still kind of in shock. And of course there is the sobering reality that we have all the last 8 years damage to begin to undo – and some of that damage may well be irreparable.
But this is clearly movement in the correct direction.
Speaking of sloppy, did not mean to comment twice.
Apparently Bill's “business dealings” abroad may hurt Hillary chances for Sec of State.
In which case, I'm sure the PUMAbots (some of whom have been recently braying about how a Sec. of State gig would somehow be “just an easy way for BO to rid the Capitol of the Clintons,” etc. – which of course makes zero sense) will use it in renewed calls for Obama's head.
I remember some of Hillary's supporters saying, before Obama selected his running mate, that she shouldn't accept the VP slot – that it was beneath her, and she should come back in 2012 as the Presidential candidate. Then when Obama picked Biden, he was roundly cursed for not picking Clinton.
I expect that if something in Bill Clinton's history would make Hillary Clinton's accepting the position a possible conflict of interest, we'll hear more crap along the same lines.
Regardless of where she goes from here, I hope – and expect – that Hillary Clinton will continue to be a major player in politics for the foreseeable future. Despite her so-called supporters, who alternately infantilize and worship her.
Classic.
That's cool. I like the serendipity.
Wow. That's like, an incantation or something.
fantastique! happy birthday, sister!
That is… just awesome. I love the universe.
I have always wanted to try standup, just once. I figure I am about 44% as funny as Kathy Griffin, and 44% of her audience would be enough for me. Then again, I am 162% funnier than Rosie O'Donnell and she did standup for years. Yes, yes, this could work out just fine.
Honey, you'd be great. If you're willing to make the foray, I'll happily be in the audience (or not, if that'd make you nervous).
Lately, I've been digging on Andy Kaufman. He didn't mind bombing spectacularly in between his unequivocally brilliant and engaging performances. He didn't give a shit how he was received (at least, that appeared to be true, unless that illusion was just another of his tricks), so he could effectively get to the unhinged heart of everything. I love the hell out of that.
Just remember the rule: no booze other than a *very* light loosening-up, no smoke, no drugs. People think they are lots funnier than they are when they do too much of that stuff. If you ain't Richard Pryor, Chevy Chase, et al.–abstain!
Unsolicited advice from grandma!
That said, I think you'd be great–and don't forget to record it for us. If you don't like it, you have the option to yank it or not show it! But I wanna see!
I imagine you as a Paula Poundstone, more mellow type. (((kisses)))
My first comment disappeared, in which I said GOOD LUCK!
I tend to like the balls-out Sam Kinison type of stand-up, minus the sexism. Still, lots of that cartoon sexism was part of the act. (Full disclosure: we were distantly related.)
I still quote him about why Jesus couldn't have been married–
Wife: But you've been gone for three days!
Jesus: EXCUSE ME, but I was DEAD!!!!!
I also quote his line, imagining what Joseph might have said to Jesus growing up:
“Well, you'd BETTER be God, little mister!!!!!”
He just slayed me with that shit.
I'm laughing at this because it is characteristic of my own clearly diagnosed ADHD. I have been at the garage/office reorganization for over a month now. The trash is gone, because they charge for the dumpster so I was on a deadline. What isn't trash, however, is halfway put away and halfway not. In the meantime, ADHD #2 son has moved a desk, chair, iMac and other bits into one of the prime storage areas there, staking it out as his own with his two drumsets back-to-back, as if they are guarding the sacred musician-space in what is left of my garage storage.
I think I just have to accept that I will never, ever be organized or otherwise efficient in these areas..
That's a hilarious snippet, and one I totally botched when I tried to relay it to my husband. Yeah, I'm going to need some practice! (And, very much understood re: your earlier comment pertaining to inebriation.)
Thanks for being so sweet!
Heh. You know, we recently got some forms from my daughter's doctor – questionnaires for her teacher as well as for us to fill out about her own ADHD propensities (she's never been formally diagnosed, but every doctor she's seen and every teacher she's had has noted the issue). And immediately lost them. Then went back and got two more, which I still haven't lost, although I have lost the appointment reminder card (we're supposed to bring the kid in along with the forms for an in-depth consultation), and I'm panicking that maybe we missed the appointment. Hopefully will remember on Monday to call the front office and ask. (As I always do with the kids' appointments.)
Eldest daughter isn't nearly as prone to the same stuff, which is interesting since her first few years were extremely chaotic (I had to move with her constantly) – but then, she is not her dad's biological offspring, and he's as ADD as me. So when her sister came along, she got his genes in addition to mine, and thus has the personality of a pogo stick. If I hadn't gone through that particular sequence of experiences (by all rights, if there were no biological component, it should be my first child who has more of these issues, and not my second child, whose earliest years were comparatively calm) – I might still think all this was entirely a socially constructed delusion for the benefit of Big Pharma. Alas, I now know otherwise. (Which is not to say that Big Pharma doesn't over-inflate any number of medical issues in the interests of profit; of course they do.)
While I am completely fine with you having already blown through your 52 stories for '09 right here, I do hope you return. Thank you for opening up and sharing part of your world.
Ha! Incidentally, this post was almost titled I've Got 52 Stories And Then Some in honor of this Ani Difranco song, but I'm too delicate today to endure the eye-rolling that would surely result. (Can I still love Ani – and for that matter, Dave Matthews – if I say I'm doing so ironically?)
Oh God I'm such a douche.
Don't you mean, snapping these pictures *and then blogging them* was obnoxious enough?
Yes. That's exactly what I mean.
That's cool!! Yea, I'm way late with this.
hey stranger. What's cooking? or should I ask, where?
Hey you! I've been a total hermit. Well, except when I'm with my husband, in which case we sometimes appear at parties and metal shows, make complete jackasses of ourselves, then scurry back home to the kids. How the hell are you?
Ugh. I consider neither of those whiskey.
Not too bad, just got into the whole blogsphere addiction thing, not like I needed another addiction in my life. Motivation to write is always nice though. I'm living with my girlfriend, our two cats and a dog in the southside, in what developers would like to call the “Manchester Arts District”, but it's just not there yet. I'm writing for RVA Magazine and working part time at a veterinary hospital, looking for a job with less stress and more hours. Check out my blog when you get a chance.
Southern Comfort is strong alright, but waaaay too sweet. Me and Merle Haggard preferred GEORGE DICKEL. (Which of course, proved to be my undoing!)
Love your writing, as always.
well snap. I'd bet that you wouldn't be interested in the 7 Things You Never knew about me meme I was just gonna tag you with then, huh?
But just in case… http://allurblogs.blogspot.com/2009/01/seven-th...
As the aforementioned zealot, I would like to say that I'm actually not anti-oatmeal raisin, as much as I was disappointed to have gotten a cookie after church and bitten into it to realize I had NOT gotten what I expected (chocolate chip).
Having gone through a time when we lived largely on make-your-own-Boboli pizza, I can relate. Here's hoping something good is just around the corner.
Good news! I'm so glad to hear this…
For the record, I wish you'd blog more. Twitter is OK, but weightless.
Even though I follow you on twitter (2 of your twitters), sometimes I sleep alot :p
I'm very happy for you and you family. I hope it's a job that he can enjoy as well as earn a living from.
Drink squash. It's low cal and yummy. You can make ice-cubes, ice-lollies, and drink it in great quantities. You will pee a lot (boo) and feel about ten years old (yay)!
Some snacks you can have unlimited amounts of, such as cucumber and salsa, carrots, mustard, sugar-free jelly/jello, and salad. Anything low calorie is great. How about air-popped popcorn? Invest in a machine and you lots & lots of munch on hand. You can also find an enjoyable way to cut your food into very small pieces and take a little piece whenever the need for a fix arises. Just hand to mouth and a satisfying sensation to follow tends to be what is needed. Grapes are my favourite because you can suck them for a long time after you break the skin and they're sweet & juicy and good for you too.
You are right on with the baby carrots. My thesis is due tomorrow (i.e. stress!) so I went to the grocery store and bought some. I'm already half way through the bag.
If your oral fixation picks up with stress, eating feels good but it can be terrible for your health! Cucumber slices are good and taste slightly better than celery. Rice cakes work well, especially the little chocolate ones, which are only 60 calories per serving. Carrots are only 35.
Chewing gum is a must. I've consumed so many packs of Extra Spearmint that Wrigley's should be paying me a stipend. Gum is great if you are at a computer, because you can chew to busy your mouth and type to busy your hands. Plus, chewing gum after eating is supposed to stimulate saliva flow, which in turn stimulates digestion.
Chewing on plastic is also strangely satisfying … pen tops are ok, but you have to make sure the pen doesn't bust. I was chewing on a push pin the other day (the plastic side) and was surprised by how freaked out everyone in the office was. Apparently, this is an instant way to make yourself look b.a.
I also recommend getting a water bottle with a flip-top mechanism on it to suck on. Seriously.
Now that you're armed, get to work!
I'm thrilled to see this! I was fussing on my blog some time ago about the disappearance of radical history… I just posted some of my own a few days ago! I'm hoping more progressives will dig up cool stuff from their pasts and post it too.
Hi There! I was waxing nostalgic for the fun times to be had at Tod Streater and Kelly Hawks parties. Man they were weird!
Anyway, I was at that first Pride March in Olympia too and I still have my Olympia Queer tank-top. It's white with the Oly beer logo in purple, just spelled differently.
Those were certainly interesting times.
Holy shit, that is awesome! Did you come to our house (Tod was my roommate at the Dreary Biscuit) to do the shirt-making? I vaguely recall some sort of wildly disorganized affair with various sized shirts floating around and some kind of spray on paint (what I used to make my shirt) and stencils. I think Dana Schuerholz put the shirt thing together? (Of course you may have acquired yours via some other route, but it'd be hilarious if you were at the same thing.) At some point (e.g. when I find and scan the damned pictures) I'm going to put together a Flickr album from that first march, so if you have any of your own that you might want added to a pool (don't know if you have your own Flickr account or not, but I'd be happy to host them with all appropriate attribution if not) – let me know.
I've also thought about putting up a memorial page somewhere just for Tod. I miss him all the time, still. He was one-of-a-kind, and he saved my ass on so many levels there's no way I'll ever be able to account for it. Anyway, when I have time to set up something of that nature, if you have any specific memories to share, that would be welcome. You can contact me any time through this page: http://victoriamarinelli.com/main/contact or via email at vmarinelli AT gmail DOT com (<–lame effort to foil spam-bots).
Best regards – V.
i but u may not believe it but i am Jessiica sister and elvira older daughter. Jessica is now 17 and isi doing very well she plan on graduating high school next year. This caption that you wrote is very appreciated and i hope people understand how difficult our lives was at that time
I'm more moved than I know how to say that you found this post and left this comment. And I am so happy Jessica is doing well, and I hope you and your mother are, also. It is an enormous ordeal to have survived. I admire and honor your strength. I wish your family the best.
I'm more moved than I know how to say that you found this post and left this comment. And I am so happy Jessica is doing well, and I hope you and your mother are, also. It is an enormous ordeal to have survived. I admire and honor your strength. I wish your family the best.
I'm more moved than I know how to say that you found this post and left this comment. And I am so happy Jessica is doing well, and I hope you and your mother are, also. It is an enormous ordeal to have survived. I admire and honor your strength. I wish your family the best.
Forgotten? Not by me she hasn't been. Someone who has been as formative as she has been throughout my adult life won't be forgotten. Sexual Politics is/was indeed a landmark, but Millett's other works — writings, activities, art — will stand all tests of time.
I'm always happy to hear about others who recognize her great legacy, and that she has not been “forgotten,” as Salon.com described her here – http://salon.com/people/feature/1999/06/05/millet/ – in *all* circles.
I have all of Kate's books as well as the biography focusing on her work as a sculptor. The woman is a force of nature, whose body of work will continue to be enormously influential, even when many who've ultimately benefited from her activism, writing and art still don't know so much as her name.
I'm so impressed! I love your Tweets, and just letting you know.
PS: Check my blog today… I was thinking of you, among so many other moms.
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