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Something I may or may not do during 2009

If I should, during this calendar year, attempt to perform in any amateur standup comedy venue (some people1 think I’m funny – go figure) – even if only once2 – my first line will likely be “I don’t have a fart’s idea what I’m doing here,” because:

  1. I most certainly will not have any such idea, and
  2. In honor of the lately reclusive3, but always awesome @fedge, whose forthrightly rendered tweet found below was one of my favorites from 2008.

(It’s okay if you don’t get why it’s so funny. I’m trusting that the vast majority of persons I might encounter in a live venue won’t get my variety of “funny” either, because for me, “funny” has never been anything more – or anything less – than the flip side of “fucked in the head.”)

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1 A recent example. For the non-Twitter and/or non Favrd-aware, the little avatars below my comment indicated persons registered with both services who found it either amusing or horrifying (amusifying? horrifusing?) enough to “applaud,” or click the little star doohickey that appears at the initial tweet when one is also logged into Twitter. (Also: What hotdogsladies said – to far more, entirely warranted “applause” – about Twitter.)

2 I’m okay with “once.” I went skydiving once. In 1989. I truly do not need to do it again.

3 Of course, the possibility exists that in his own physical environs, he is lately a wildly flitting social butterfly; all I mean is, he hasn’t posted much in a particular venue in some time. (More recent fedge: here.)

  • I tend to like the balls-out Sam Kinison type of stand-up, minus the sexism. Still, lots of that cartoon sexism was part of the act. (Full disclosure: we were distantly related.)

    I still quote him about why Jesus couldn't have been married--

    Wife: But you've been gone for three days!

    Jesus: EXCUSE ME, but I was DEAD!!!!!

    I also quote his line, imagining what Joseph might have said to Jesus growing up:

    "Well, you'd BETTER be God, little mister!!!!!"

    He just slayed me with that shit. :D
  • That's a hilarious snippet, and one I totally botched when I tried to relay it to my husband. Yeah, I'm going to need some practice! (And, very much understood re: your earlier comment pertaining to inebriation.)

    Thanks for being so sweet!
  • My first comment disappeared, in which I said GOOD LUCK!
  • Just remember the rule: no booze other than a *very* light loosening-up, no smoke, no drugs. People think they are lots funnier than they are when they do too much of that stuff. If you ain't Richard Pryor, Chevy Chase, et al.--abstain!

    Unsolicited advice from grandma!

    That said, I think you'd be great--and don't forget to record it for us. If you don't like it, you have the option to yank it or not show it! But I wanna see! :)

    I imagine you as a Paula Poundstone, more mellow type. (((kisses)))
  • j.
    I have always wanted to try standup, just once. I figure I am about 44% as funny as Kathy Griffin, and 44% of her audience would be enough for me. Then again, I am 162% funnier than Rosie O'Donnell and she did standup for years. Yes, yes, this could work out just fine.
  • Honey, you'd be great. If you're willing to make the foray, I'll happily be in the audience (or not, if that'd make you nervous).

    Lately, I've been digging on Andy Kaufman. He didn't mind bombing spectacularly in between his unequivocally brilliant and engaging performances. He didn't give a shit how he was received (at least, that appeared to be true, unless that illusion was just another of his tricks), so he could effectively get to the unhinged heart of everything. I love the hell out of that.
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